The cancer has now spread to my brain and pelvis.
It’s 6:40 a.m. and I’m having my brain and pelvis radiated this morning. I have four metastatic lesions from my lung to my brain and one in my pelvis. They tell me that I should do well and have good success of the tumors being zapped. I feel confident but I still wonder how good my thinking will be after? Will I be as lucid as I am now and still see my precious daughter, grandchildren and family in the same way? Will I be led out of fear and back into better health?
I have free will and it will bring me to where I want to be: feeling good, enjoying myself, having fun, being funny and never forgetting that I always had and always will see the light side of life rising out of the dark. My sense of humor and appreciation of other’s ability to find fun in life will continue to make it all worthwhile. And in those times when the sun doesn’t seem like it will ever come out again, I’ll hopefully remember that it will, for sure.
My mother, whose life was filled with tragedy, learned this through her tears and taught me well. No matter how hopeless or dark life can seem, it simply changes and goes back to the light. It changes. We change and I believe that if we stay open to this, it will teach us. But how do we hang on when things looks so bleak? By remembering the times that it wasn’t – or isn’t. We have an innate desire for survival and by staying aware and focused on it; we can sway our lives in that direction. Of course I don’t know when my expiration date is up, but I do know how I want to live the rest of my life.
Having these cancers since July 2010 with setback after setback, I’m still beating the statistics that would have had me dead last December. The cancer in my lung is growing more slowly than they thought it would, my pancreas is stable and the doctors are taking incredible care of me. My family and friends are coming to my rescue and I still have dreams and goals to reach. My book has yet to be finished and I envision the most wonderful and successful opportunity to present itself so that it will be written and published quickly, with huge success and fanfare. I just need some more divine intervention. Help from Jeff Bezos at Amazon.com wouldn’t hurt either! Does anyone know him? I’m serious. I have a plan, a good plan. I just need the doors to open quickly so that I can share what I’ve learned about how much we really can grow and thrive while facing illness, tragedy or adversity.
Page 2 of 2 - Writing my nationally syndicated newspaper column, Lessons From Cancer over the last 18 months has opened up my mind, heart and soul in ways that I never believed possible and this is much too priceless to not pass on. I pray that I will have the help that I need to make this happen.
I will be writing more about my plans, and if you would like to contact me with suggestions, please send comments through my personal blog at http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com.
Joyce Rothman of Massachusetts, a nurse for 40 years, was diagnosed with lung and pancreatic cancer in July 2010. Since then, she has been writing about her diagnosis, her treatment and her outlook on the process, in hopes of helping others. Follow her journey at http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com.