For at least $54,000 in an upcoming auction, you could be the proud owner of a flirty, oddly sexual love letter from American author Ernest Hemingway to German Hollywood starlet, Marlene Dietrich.

Hemingway’s letter, dated Aug. 28, 1955, begins “Dearest Kraut” and goes on to pitch the actress a bawdy theater act that includes her “foaming at the mouth,” while they “break into the Abortion Scene from [the French opera] ‘Lakmé’ ” and he even mentions a “giant rubber whale."

But Hemingway didn't stop there. The imaginative author continued:

“It would probably have something novel like having you shot onto the stage, drunk, from a self-propelled minnenwerfer [sic] which would advance in from the street rolling over the customers,” Hemingway imagined. “As you landed on the stage drunk and naked, I would advance from the rear, or your rear, wearing evening clothes and would hurriedly strip . . . to cover you revealing the physique of Burt Lancaster.”

Then turning more serious, Hemingway writes, “Marlene, darling, I write stories but I have no grace for [bleeping] them up for other mediums,” and, “I love you very much and I never wanted to get mixed in any business with you . . . neither of us has enough whore blood for that."

"The duo reportedly met aboard a ship in 1934 and shared 30 flirty letters over the years, which were made public in 2007, and most are at the JFK ­Library in Boston," according to The New York Post. "But the passionate relationship was never consummated because, Hemingway had said before his 1961 suicide, that the starry duo had 'unsynchronized passion.'”

Read the letter in its entirety below:

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